


To Remember A Life Before

by ZiamIsAlive (IfullybelieveLarry)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No One Direction, Amnesia, Confused Liam Payne, Depressed Zayn, Emotional, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Heartbroken Zayn, M/M, Married Characters, Married Couple, Married Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Missing Persons, Reunions, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tragedy, amnesiac liam, sad beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-20 01:37:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17612981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfullybelieveLarry/pseuds/ZiamIsAlive
Summary: Three years. It's been three long years since Zayn last saw his boyfriend. They didn't break up. Something more tragic happened. Liam just disappeared one day. He went out to work and no one has seen him since. Friends, family, coworkers. No one has seen him since he left the house that day.Zayn runs into someone at the grocery store one day, only to be met with the same brown eyes he had fallen in love with so long ago. The difference was that this time, those brown eyes didn't recognize him, and he was with someone else.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

* * *

Feelings never truly go away. No matter how much time has passed, no matter how much you try to accept the truth. Nothing will ever erase how you feel about someone. Not even the thought of death.

 

My boyfriend, Liam Payne, disappeared three years ago today. We woke up, shared a few kisses, and he left for work. It was all normal, or at least I thought so. I got a call about two hours later from one of his work buddies, asking if Liam was home sick since he didn't show up to work that day. I explained that Liam had left for work like he usually did, but no one at his job had seen him.

 

I called the police and they said they couldn't do much since he hadn't been missing for more than twenty-four hours. I cursed them out of course for not being able to help me, then went out to find him on my own. I drove around for a while to hopefully find some sign of him. The only thing I found was his car, which had all of his things in it. His wallet. His ID. All the cash he was carrying on him. He was nowhere to be seen.

 

I then spent all my time looking for him, with the help of his family and mine. We eventually were able to get the police involved, but no leads came in. No one had seen him.

Days passed, then weeks, then months, and then years. Lead after lead came in, but they all turned out to be dead ends. Nothing ever lead us to Liam. Eventually, everyone started to lose hope that we would ever find him alive. Everyone pretty much started to assume the worst had happened to him. That includes me.

 

I started to believe that Liam was dead myself. I fell into a deep depression over losing him. He was my whole world. To have him be gone for so long without a single idea as to what happened to him destroyed me. I moved out of the house we had once shared into a tiny apartment since it was all I could afford on my own. My job as a barista at a local coffee shop didn't pay enough for me to keep the house. I had to move into something much smaller. The smaller, different environment never distracted me from losing him, though. Sometimes I wish it did. Even three years after his disappearance, I still yearned to have him with me. I could still remember just what he looked like. What he smelled like. What he sounded like. Nothing ever faded from my memory.

 

Never in my wildest dreams though did I imagine I would just run into him after all this time. Especially not in a grocery store with a wedding ring on his finger and a girl stuck to his side.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

* * *

 

Things have changed drastically since that dreadful day three years ago. First off, I live alone. No longer do I share household chores with the man I had loved, nor do I wake up only to smell the breakfast he was cooking for me that morning. On top of that, the house I lived in now was so much smaller. Smaller bed, smaller rooms, fewer rooms. I used to live in a big house. Two floors, four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a huge kitchen. Now, it's been reduced to a tiny kitchen, one bedroom, and barely a full bathroom. The tiny apartment I now call home is far from just that. I don't have a home, at least not anymore.

 

I had to move soon after Liam's disappearance. Not only could I not live there because of the memories that were tied there of the two of us, but I didn't make enough money to stay. The bills piled up and I just had to move into something much smaller. My job as a barista at the café wasn't even close to enough to pay for everything. Liam's job is what was mainly paying the bills. We used the money from my job for everything else. Now with him gone, this tiny apartment is all I can afford, but just barely.

 

Having him disappear was one of the worst things that have happened to me. When he first disappeared, my whole world crashed around me. I could barely pull myself out of bed in the morning, I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and went through about three packs of cigarettes a day. I almost lost my job numerous times, but somehow managed to keep it to keep myself afloat. I think it's because my boss just felt bad for me. She knew I needed the money, so she let me keep working, even though I only showed up once out of every three times I was scheduled to work.

 

My friends were also around a lot, to try and get me through it all. It didn't help though. Especially not when my friends Harry and Louis got married and Niall and Shawn started dating. I always wondered how everyone around me could be happy when I was destroyed? Why would the universe punish me by taking the one I loved and surrounding me with everyone else's happiness? It just wasn't fair. What did I do to deserve this kind of pain?

 

I ask myself that question even now as I lay in my tiny bed in my tiny room in dirty clothes. Here I am, three years after, still devastated by the loss I felt. We had no leads as to where he could be, and everyone had given up on ever finding him alive. As much as I thought everyone was right, I couldn't help but just feel that Liam was out there. Somewhere. He was alive, and I somehow just knew it. Knowing that only made me feel worse, however. To know that he was out there and not with me, possibly in trouble. The other thought that went through my head was that he wanted a way to leave me, leave his whole life behind and start again. That one hurt the most to think about.

 

My thoughts are halted by the sound of a knock at my bedroom door. I curse myself, knowing that one of my friends are here to "take care" of me. Why did I have to give them a key to my apartment? I just want to be alone. "Hey, Zayn. You still alive in there, buddy?" I hear Louis' voice say. Sadly… I think to myself before responding to my friend's question.

 

"Yup. Still breathing. Now go home." My response wasn't the nicest, but honestly, I don't care. I want to just lay here alone so being rude isn't that big of a deal to me at the moment. Maybe Louis will actually listen to me and go away for once. With my luck though, he doesn't. He keeps trying to get me out of the bedroom.

 

"Hey, Zayn, come on. Come out of there. Harry and I came over with some movies and food. Harry can make you your favorite." Things then go silent as I just curl up in bed more, ignoring him. I hear him sigh softly before speaking again. "Zayn. Come on. You probably need a change of clothes and a bath. If you don't come out on your own then you give me no choice but to call Harry in here and carry you to the bathroom so I can bathe you." With that, I'm up. There is no way I'm letting Louis bathe me.

 

I get up from my bed and go to the door, opening it to see Louis' smug expression on his stupid face. "I'll get cleaned up. Now just go sit down and I'll be in the living room when I'm done bathing," I tell him and he nods before walking off to go back to Harry. I sigh and grab a new set of clothes, which happened to belong to Liam. His scent has long since faded from them, but just knowing that they were his is usually enough for me. Just to know that he had worn these before brings me a sense of comfort. To kind of feel like I still have him with me sometimes.

 

I take a long relaxing bath, making sure to completely clean myself. I must have taken a really long time because Harry actually comes up to the door, asking if I'm still alive. Of course, I am, and I tell him that.

 

Once I'm all cleaned up, I climb out and change into the clothes I had grabbed and toss the old ones into the dirty clothes hamper, which is piled high at this point. God, I really don't want to do laundry, but it looks like I'm gonna have to sooner or later. Hmm…maybe later.

 

Finally, I make my way to the living room where Harry and Louis are waiting, seeming impatient with me. "Don't start with me. I swear to god," I say harshly before flopping on the small couch in the small living room I have. All I hear from the two of them is a small sigh before Harry turns on a movie for Louis and me to watch as he goes to make food in the kitchen. I grab the blanket that I had put on the back of the couch and wrap myself in it. Liam had gotten it for me a few Christmases ago. I try to watch the movie, but I can hardly keep myself focused on it. Of course, Louis can tell almost immediately.

 

"Zayn…it's been three years. You can't mope around here forever." I wave him off. He would never understand the pain I felt and the pain I feel. Liam was the one, I just know it. He may have been gone for three years, but I never want to lose hope that he's out there, somewhere, waiting to come home. Waiting to see me again. "You know what. We should get you out of the house. After breakfast, we are going to the store. Harry and I will get you some nice new clothes, some candy, and anything else you could want. Maybe then we can go out later tonight and you'll find someone new to fawn over." I only send Louis a glare before he continues. "Okay, just the store today. Go out tomorrow."

 

I sigh softly and just agree with it. Louis will only keep pushing it if I don't agree so I had no choice. Besides, I could use some new bottles of cologne. The one Liam used to use.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

* * *

"Ooh! Let's get you some nice candles!" I hear Harry chirp as we walk by the aisle with all of the scented candles. His face just lights up as he looks at the assorted artificially scented items lining all of the shelves. Scents ranging from a forest-like scent to fruit, to candy. "This one smells really good!" He says after grabbing one and smelling it himself. "Try it, Z." He holds out the candle to me to smell. All I do is roll my eyes and take a whiff. It doesn't smell too bad, but honestly, I don't really care about candles. I never was one for scented candles, though Harry always was.

"Love, you're the one who is always about candles. Zayn never cares for them," Louis says with a small chuckle, making Harry pout and put the candle back. "We can get you some candles for back home though. Pick out one that you like." Harry's pout fades as he starts to smell every candle that he thinks he would like, trying to pick out one that he likes the best. I thought we had come to the store to get me some stuff, but apparently, it's turning into Louis buying Harry anything he wanted. It's obvious when you see all the bath stuff that is already in the cart for Harry. He claims he's getting them for me, but we all know Harry was the one who really wanted it.

I shake my head as I watch the scene in front of me for a few minutes before turning away with the cart. "I'm going to go do a bit of grocery shopping while you do that. You're still paying for everything I'm buying," I tell Louis before leaving, not even waiting for a response. Honestly, what did I expect when Louis said he wanted to take me out to the store to get me some things? Did I really expect for it not to turn into a 'Louis buys Harry anything he wants and they just pretty much ignore me since I'm pretty much just tagging along anyway'? I mean, no. I expected it to go that way, but still.

I make my way through the aisles of the grocery section of the store, grabbing milk, eggs, and other necessities when it comes to food. I even grab a box of snacks. I go down one of the aisles but run into another cart, making a small clash. Damn, I really should have been paying attention to what I was doing. "Oh I'm so sorry about the-" I go to say, but stop when I look up and see who I had just bumped into. Brown puppy eyes, plump lips, brown hair styled into a neat quiff. My heart seems to explode when I make eye contact with this stranger. No. Not a stranger. My boyfriend. "L-Liam…?" I ask softly, eyes wide and starting to well up with tears.

I watch as his eyebrows furrow in confusion, making my heart sink when I'm not met with a tight hug. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" He says in that same voice I remembered from three years back. The voice I had imaged so many nights whispering sweet things to me, uttering small 'I love you's. The voice I had missed so much since it's disappearance from my life. As elated as I am to hear his voice, my heart only shatters when I comprehend what he said to me. He doesn't know me?

"Liam, it's me. Zayn." I say softly, hoping that the realization will hit him and he'll hug me tightly and he'll say how much he missed me and how much he loved me. Alas, my hopes are crushed when he only furrows his eyebrows more, not realizing who I am at all. I open my mouth to say something, but I'm cut off when I hear the chirpy voice of a woman walk up to us.

"Liam, baby, I got those strawberries!" She says cheerily, putting the berries into the cart. She looks at me before turning to Liam. "Who's this? A friend of yours?" She asks and he shakes his head.

"No. I haven't seen him before. We just accidentally crashed into one another," he explains to her before kissing her cheek. I can practically feel my heart being ripped out as I start to understand what is happening. Liam doesn't remember me, and he has a girlfriend. Well, scratch that. One look to his hand tells me that they aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. They're MARRIED.

I shake my head and back up with my cart, practically sprinting away as tears threaten to fall down my face. My worst fears had been confirmed. Liam wasn't kidnapped or anything. He deliberately left me. He left me and his family behind to start a new life. Why he stayed in the same city though baffled me, but right now I didn't care. I just wanted away from this place. I wanted out of this store. I wanted to go home and scream and cry and curse myself for being so fucking stupid.

Fat tears stream down my face as I make my way past other customers who are shopping. They give me side glances, but honestly, I don't give a damn. All I want to do is grab Louis and Harry and get out of here. It takes time, but I finally manage to find the two, still in the aisle with the candles. Harry hadn't picked one out yet.

"Get me out of here…" I almost sob when I reach them, making them turn and look at me with confusion and concern. Harry puts the candle down that he had been smelling and walks to me, pulling me into his strong arms. All I can do is just break down. Sobs wracked my body as tears stream down my cheeks. I earn glances from other customers, but Louis just glares at them and they turn away immediately.

I don't hear anything, but I feel myself being lifted off of the ground and carried away. Harry's holding me close and trying to whisper soft words of comfort to me, but I don't hear a thing. All I can hear are my sobs and my own heart being ground to dust inside my chest. Harry obviously doesn't know what's going on, but he doesn't ask. He just carries me out to the car as Louis goes to pay for all the items I had managed to get into the car, as well as the few items Harry had put in there earlier.

When we finally get to the car, he climbs into the backseat with me and just holds me as I continue to wail loudly. His presence offers only a little comfort, but nothing could ever comfort me, knowing that my boyfriend had disappeared three years ago to leave me and his family behind. To forget that we had ever happened. To leave me as a broken man while he lives life with this woman, whoever she was, happily.

I'm not sure when I drift off to sleep, but I do. I sleep uncomfortably as Harry's arms are still wrapped around me securely. Even as I sleep, I just feel empty. I don't dream, but I'm fully aware of how broken and empty I feel now. I mean, can you imagine? Finding out that your boyfriend who had been missing for three years was alive, only to then find out that he doesn't remember you and he's married? Yeah, it would destroy you too, and you can't deny it.

A few days after seeing Liam, I throw in the towel completely. Why should I torture myself while he's living happily with someone else? I've mourned enough. Three years of mourning. I deserve better. I walk out of my room that morning with all of Liam's stuff that I had managed to keep in my arms, making Harry and Louis look at me in confusion. "Zayn, what are you doing?" Louis asks, watching as I grab a trash bag and throw all of the stuff in there.

"Throwing out Liam's stuff so I can finally move on with my life," I explain blankly. "No more mourning the boyfriend I had. He's long gone." I take the bag and close it up and set it by the door, mentally reminding myself to throw it out after getting dressed. "We're gonna go out today, how's that sound?" I ask them with a smile; the first smile I have had in years.

Seeing me finally doing better, they both smile. "Sounds great," Harry says, smiling at me. "When are we going out? What are we doing?" I shrug and smile more.

"Whatever we feel like doing. We don't have to plan anything. Let's just go out and see what happens." I say and they both nod. We wait until I'm all cleaned up and dressed in some clean clothes, which were mine, and then we head out for a day in the city.

We go to a few different restaurants during the day and just go out for long drives in between. During the drives, we sing along to some music all three of us know and love. One of them is a band called One Direction. Gotta admit, even though they are a boyband, they have some really good music and all of us enjoy it so.

After the sun goes down, I convince the guys to take me out to a club. "Come on. Maybe I'll find someone to hook up with, and you can't say no to a few drinks," I say, trying to convince the two in the front seats to head for a club nearby. They look at each other for a moment silently before Louis looks back at me with a smile. "Alright, Z. We can go out to a club."

I smile brightly. I need this. I need this chance to just let go. I've waited too long to let go, but now it's my time to be happy and have a good time.


End file.
